A Tip on Tipping

Last night, I was in a local establishment that serves food and drinks (CitySēn, for those who would like to better visualize the setting of the to-be-described event). This particular establishment runs a happy-hour promotion until 7 p.m. ET, which will turn out to be relevant to this rant.

Shortly after 7 (see how quickly it became relevant?), two scumbags—a male and female—entered the establishment. They appeared to be in their early to mid 20s. He looked like he probably thought highly of himself in an effort to compensate for his lack of positive qualities (if you can’t show, tell), and she looked like the type of annoying fool who probably says “LOL” in actual conversation.

The waitress greeted them, and the male scumbag asked for a happy-hour menu. The waitress informed them happy hour was over. The two scumbags ordered water “to start” and then looked over the menu while the waitress fetched the water.

The waitress gave the scumbags their water and the scumbags said they needed another minute to look over the menu.

After approximately five total sips of their two waters, the scumbags got up to leave. The hostess said, “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, but it’s her fault,” said the male scumbag, pointing at the female scumbag. He continued on indiscernibly, trying to make sure he looked better than he really is but instead accomplishing the exact opposite.

The female scumbag made the face 24-year-old girls make when they feel slighted, and the two walked out, bickering down the sidewalk and out of view.

Not surprisingly, they left no tip. There should’ve been at least $2 on that table when they walked out, but there was not. These people are awful and don’t deserve to dine nor drink anywhere in the city.

We needn’t worry too much, though, because once they break up (if they haven’t already), we can hope they’ll both find better people, and by better people I mean people who will tolerate their hideousness long enough to teach them some manners.

Moral: tip your waitress, even if you only order water.