Is Burning a Bridge Ever Worth It?

Of course I’m writing in metaphor here, with “burning a bridge” meaning “completely sever a relationship, probably on horrible terms, ensuring one party will never work with the other party ever again.”

Burning a bridge can be fun and very satisfying. There’s no denying that. Telling someone what you really think can stroke your ego in wonderful ways. And, you may tell yourself burning such a bridge is genuinely motivated. Perhaps you were wronged and you stood up for yourself.

But, the question is, in standing up for yourself, did you really need to burn the bridge? Or was there another way?

What it really comes down to, as everything does, is reminiscent of a generic sitcom plot. Someone gets picked on and has to determine how to respond. Is it to “be the bigger man” and walk away? Or take the fleeting satisfaction of pounding the offending party into oblivion?

Not a sitcom, but just as applicable, is a standard MacGyver episode finish: MacGyver’s friend of the hour wants to kill the bad guy after he’s already defeated, but MacGyver tells him it’s not worth it and stands by anxiously until the friend realizes MacGyver, as always, was right.

The Never-Burn-A-Bridge Theory

A lot of people will say you should never burn a bridge with anyone. If you work in the mall as a 16-year-old, maybe one of your similarly teen co-workers will remember you when she launches a multi-million-dollar company in a few years. You become a rich 23-year-old because you didn’t gossip behind her back as teens.

The same goes for Corporate America and other “real” jobs. You never know where your current co-workers are going to end up. Say you’re an independent copywriter with a dream of working with some huge company, but you burn a bridge with someone who then takes a job at said huge company and would be the person who would have to hire you. You lost your dream because you couldn’t be civil.

Related: you should probably have a better dream than that.

There’s a lot of merit to this theory. Why sever relationships when you never know where they could lead? Because burning a bridge gives you immediate satisfaction and thus is extremely tempting. However, does that immediate satisfaction translate into long-term satisfaction?

So Much Kindling

If you work as a contract writer, as I do, or a contract anything, as many do, you’ll have plenty of chances to burn bridges. Sometimes, you’ll present a draft of something and ask for feedback, at which point the client will panic, failing to comprehend any of the expectations you laid out in the beginning, wondering why what you submitted wasn’t complete. Other times, clients will not give real feedback but rather make personal attacks for some reason. These are just two examples of what can make someone like me irate.

So, do I immediately launch into a tirade? No. If I hastily go back at them with a glorious rant, I’m basically proving to them I’m not worthy of working with them. I would much rather leave a project knowing they were the scumbags. I’d also prefer them to think I’m a bad writer over an unprofessional idiot (largely because if we do sever a relationship and they do their own writing, being able to silently laugh at that afterward is enough satisfaction).

Writing is subjective. Who cares if one doesn’t like a sentence or a word choice? It never bothers me if someone has a suggestion for another way to say something, because I understand the subjectivity of the medium. It’s when people don’t respect the process, don’t understand the process or generally disrespect me that I am tempted to start (metaphorically) filling the gas cans.

When to Light the Fire

Consider this scenario: you’re working with a client and agree to a maximum budget. You and the client meet and set the expectations. You do your part, send the work over and don’t hear from the client for a few days. You follow up. Still nothing. Two weeks later, the client calls you and says they’re running out of time and need to finish the project in house, then requests you bill for the time to that point.

You, baffled (and already tempted to burn the bridge based on their complete lack of communication), send the bill, which, due to the client’s insistence on multiple meetings, is close to—but not quite—the maximum upon which you agreed.

Then, the client responds to your bill saying they’re surprised you ate up most of the budget and “didn’t even have a finished product” for them.

You then pause for a moment and think about the situation. The client, whether justified or not, does not like you, and you know they’ll never hire you again. So, what are your options? Lower your bill and apologize? They’re not going to hire you again, so this does nothing but devalue yourself. You have to stick to your bill—your time is worth something, and you wasted it on this project.

At this point, you have to realize the bridge is burned. You didn’t intentionally do it, but it’s burned. Do you want your money’s worth? A good rant thrown at the client detailing how you are completely in the right and deserve every cent for which you billed?

It’s tempting. Very tempting.

Does This Mean You Should Give in to Everyone?

Absolutely not. All this babbling has been about whether to burn a bridge and leave a relationship on horrible terms. But even those who say you should never burn a bridge can’t possibly believe you need to cater to everyone all the time.

There are companies, clients and people with whom you’re not compatible. Maybe they don’t fit into your beliefs or business model or maybe they’re just jerks and you don’t like them. You can avoid these people without going on a tirade.

There is a less severe way to sever a relationship. If you are honest with yourself, your customers and your potential customers, you’ll avoid these bridge-burning opportunities. If you have an initial meeting with a client and know nothing good could come of that relationship, try this ridiculously odd theory: be honest. Say you don’t think you’d be a good fit. Telling the truth will not burn a bridge, but it will prevent you from having to work with that person or company.

Back to the “very tempting” example from a few paragraphs ago: if someone personally attacks you, implying you’re a money-grubbing liar, you could go right back with scathing personal attacks of your own. Or, you could calmly explain it’s a situation that obviously didn’t work out, detail how you nearly reached the maximum of the budget and why you weren’t able to finish. You’ll still probably never work with that company again, but at least you won’t be known as a whiner and complainer.

Ignition

When is it okay to burn a bridge? Maybe never. But if a certain set of circumstances all come together, it seems as if there’s no reason to avoid it. That is, unless you avoided the whole situation in the first place.

No matter how proactive you are in screening your working relationships, conflicts will arise. And no matter how great it would feel to unleash an incredible rant for the ages on someone you feel deserves it, is it worth it? What do you gain, outside of that immediate satisfaction?

I find, if you close off the bridges prior to thinking you might have to burn them, that’s enough satisfaction to hold you over. You still get to feel like you stood up for yourself, but you don’t have to deal with any of the insanity that inevitably would’ve come from taking on a client with whom you’re not compatible just to get a paycheck. Plus, with all that leftover gas in the can, you can keep your lawn mowed.