#Latergram

Yes, I succumbed to the pressure (there was no pressure) and have been using Instagram for a few months. In general, I have no qualms with the thing. It’s an easy, convenient service to attempt to be pithy and witty (as I so painstakingly try) or to showcase every inane detail of one’s life to the entire world (as teens so easily succeed).

Or anything in between. A solution for everyone. Perfect.

However, this #latergram thing needs to be addressed. For those who are blissfully unaware of the pound sign now being referred to as a “hash tag,” I’ll explain: within these social-media platforms, hash tags make terms easily searchable. So, if someone posts a photo to Instagram and includes “#latergram” in the caption, you will be able to click on that hashed tag and be taken to search results showing all the other photos with the same hash tag.

Convenient, right? Yes. But what is a #latergram?

Impeccable (Useless) Timing

Instagram, I’m assuming, was named as such because of the ease involved in taking and posting photos to the Internet. Instant, you might say.

However, hash-tag-happy lunatics decided the “Insta” actually refers to “Instantly posting a photo as it happens.” That is, you see a squirrel in your yard right now, so you immediately take a photo and just as immediately post that photo to the Internet. Insta.

But Internet forbid if you wait a few hours (or days or eons) to post your squirrel photo. Now what happens? You tag it with #latergram, of course.

This tells the insta world you’re posting a photo you took, but not immediately after taking it. After re-reading that sentence to myself, I realize I didn’t need to type a single extra word of this entire rant, because that sentence is so absurd.

And, by the way, wouldn’t #latagram make more sense?

What’s the Use?

You took a squirrel photo, waited a week and posted it with “#latergram” on there. Now I, a person who follows you, clicks on “#latergram,” and what do I get? The most random pile of photos of any possible search. It’s just a bunch of normal-looking photos people didn’t post immediately. Your squirrel. Someone’s prom. A busted carburetor. A please-comment-and-raise-my-self-esteem bikini photo. The one thing these photos have in common is they weren’t posted the moment they were taken.

Have I gotten across how asininely useless this is yet? I’m writing this on a plane, and it’s so absurd, the man next to me had to give up his I’m-not-watching-you-write pretense to comment. “What’s Instagram?” he said.

Because of how completely ridiculous this hash tag is, I wonder what the true value is (and it may be the random collection of photos that come up in search—I don’t actually mind that aspect). Essentially, putting “#latergram” on your photo from a concert tells me, “I was at that concert, but I’m not there anymore.” So what? Who cares if you’re still there?

Come on, Internet. Why does everything have to be so foolish?

Remember how I momentarily digressed and said I was writing this on a plane? Well, I’m posting it long after the flight. I feel I have to tell you that, otherwise the Internet might egregiously perceive me to have posted this the moment I wrote it. And, for some reason, that would be bad. Apparently.