Waiting

Imagine this scenario: you’re sitting alone in a public area, perhaps the courtyard of a hotel, a common space in an airport, a bench in the park or some other space that has served you well over the several minutes you’ve been sitting there. Maybe you’re reading, working or simply relaxing for a few precious moments. There are other chairs or lounge furniture available, but at the moment, you are the only person there.

What a beautifully peaceful thought, one to which we can all relate.

Now, imagine the next part of the scenario: you’re ready to get up and go about your day. If you were working, you begin packing up your laptop. If you were reading, you close your book. If you were relaxing, you talk yourself into being willing to stop relaxing. Then, just as you’re about to get out of your chair, some stranger approaches and sits down. You make brief eye contact and acknowledge each other’s presence as any decent pair of humans would do, but that’s the end of your communication.

This stranger does nothing to indicate he or she wants to talk to you. Likely, this stranger was doing exactly the same thing you did several minutes ago, finding some solace for a brief respite from the never-ending noise of life.

Neither one of you want any company, and the mere presence of another human will lower your productivity and irreversibly extinguish your relaxation level, but you were just about to leave. You were almost gone.

And yet, you, being a decent human being who had just finished psyching yourself into leaving the area, now feel like you have to stay for fear you’re going to offend this polite yet non-social stranger you will almost definitely never see again.

Your peaceful siesta has become an internal bout of crippling anxiety.

How long do you have to sit there before you leave so the stranger doesn’t think it was his or her presence alone that caused you to bolt? The answer, of course, is 14 minutes. But what if you don’t have 14 minutes? And why do you care about the perceived emotions of a stranger who likely does not care why you get out of there as long as you do?

For all you know, that person was an abhorrent bully throughout elementary school and could use some comeuppance. Or, maybe the person is one of the nicest people to ever live, selfless to a fault and undeserving of some jerk like you paying no mind to him or her. You have to err on the side of the nice person. Worst case, you’re nice to a scumbag. Better than risking being mean to a nice person, right?

You could stand up and mutter something awkward like, “No offense, stranger, but I was just about to get up anyway, and you sat down, and then I thought I needed to stay to avoid hurting your feelings, but I really don’t have time to spare them, so I’m just saying this and then walking away.”

Or, you could attempt (and fail) to be funny and say, “Let me give you a little more space” or “I’ll stop bothering you” or “I won’t make you smell my atrocious body odor anymore.”

No matter what you say, unless you’re trying to start a meaningful conversation for some reason, will make you sound like an utter moron. Additionally, if you do try to start a meaningful conversation, you face the possibility of incredible rejection from someone you don’t even know.

Thus, you only have one option. You must remain silent, avoid eye contact, stand up and walk away. Don’t look back. Don’t fake a cough as you pass the person. Hold in any real cough. No groans, no sheepish hair grabs or unnecessary face scratches. Just go.

And do it 14 minutes after the person sits down.