Playing games on the internet is justifiable if you’re in any creative profession. All you have to say is you’re flexing your mind before you get down to business. It’s like deducting your cable bill from your taxes. Yes, you can do it, because you’re watching ads and it helps you with your work, but really, should you? No. But you can, and it makes your life easier or better, so you do.

A side benefit to playing internet games is you get to dabble in cultural studies. For example: Americans are sore losers.

I say that without any definitive proof and base it solely on my informal research as a former avid internet-checkers player (it’s been a few years, but I choose to believe my findings based on generalizations are still exactly correct). Regardless, as an American who lives among Americans, my conclusion is not shocking.

My particular internet-checkers program reveals nothing about my opponent aside from his or her skill level and language. I always hope for an opponent who speaks any language other than English, because I know I can play an entire game with those people. Whether I’m completely dominating them or vice versa, they stay until the end when a winner is determined.

Filthy Americans quit. At the slightest hint of a loss, they bolt. When I make a particularly good move, I always prepare for the “Your opponent has left the game” screen. It’s ridiculous.

This data is anything but definitive. For instance, the following could be taking place:

1. Americans playing using a language other than English.
2. Non-Americans playing using English.
3. People playing whose native language is English but whose native land is not the United States.

However, I’ve played enough internet checkers to be confident in my sample size. Despite the likelihood that all three of those scenarios have happened to me, the statistics (that haven’t actually been compiled) don’t lie: people who play internet checkers with English as their language of choice are much more likely to quit in the middle of a game than a person who plays with any other language.

German speakers tend to have the second highest quit rate, and anyone from the Far East tends to go to the end of every game, no matter how dominant either player is. That’s respect.

Now, you may be wondering, “Okay, you jerk, you’re a copywriter, so what does this have to do with advertising or writing?”

Plenty. I could try to take myself too seriously and say this cultural experiment will help me write ads for various parts of the world, particularly to the jerkscum Americans who don’t respect other Americans. But that would be taking myself too seriously.

All this really has to do with advertising is this is what people do while sitting in the office.