This is all fine. But it amplifies the reason to bring up a point that was around long before DVRs. The very point that proves no one should ever be afraid of spoilers: self-important goobers should not talk about television shows with people who don’t watch those shows. There is no benefit to such a conversation, unless it begins and ends with, “I’ve been watching (show name), and I think you would like it.”
Breaking Bad ended last night, and by mere mention of the show, some of you have either already stopped reading or are terrified I might include a spoiler here. I won’t, but that’s because I’m a decent human. And when I say that, I don’t mean “A person who doesn’t spoil a show a lot of people intend to watch at some point is a decent human.” Instead, I mean, “A person who doesn’t bore people with drivel about a show they don’t watch is a decent human.”
Do you watch…?
Have you ever been asked, “Do you watch (insert name of television you don’t watch here)?”
If you respond in the positive, the next question will be, “Have you seen the one where (insert plot here)?” While this is not the time to debate the misuse of “where,” you are again faced with a yes/no question. If you say yes, the person cuts right to the joke that probably wasn’t funny on TV, is definitely less funny off TV, and is even less funny because you had to answer two questions to get there. If you say no, the person has to go through the entire plot of the episode, then hit you with the joke. Even less funny.
However, it’s always better to claim you do watch whatever show your conversation partner is referencing. If you say no, you’re so many awful steps away from an unfunny comment, you might as well actually watch the show right there on your fancy phone.
Imagine the horror (or, remember it, as I’m sure you’ve experienced this more than once). Someone asks if you watch a particular show. You say no. Instead of ending the conversation, the other person realizes the only way to pay this thing off in his or her own mind is to give you a complete rundown of the entire show—its plot, characters, guest stars and other inane details that don’t matter to someone who’s never watched it (this is called character development, albeit rushed and botched). At that point, it’s time to hit you with the hilarious joke that is now fulfilling only in that you know this awful conversation is over.
Whysenberg?
So, you see, dear readers, spoilers should never be something to fear. If we would all treat each other the way we should, conversations about TV shows would only happen between people who watch said TV shows. Yes, it may require a “Do you watch?” question, but the answer to said question should either be the end of that line of conversation or a catapult to a new friendship based on television. And what’s better than a friendship based on television?
Of course, this is not the way the world works and thus the reason everyone tries to avoid everything all the time. If only we weren’t so concerned with rehashing sitcom jokes so many years ago, this would not be a problem today.
Solution: watch every episode of every show on TV. No more anxiety.
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