Did You Steal My Coat?

Today, I golfed at St. Andrews Links. While doing so, someone stole my coat. Because you realize St. Andrews is in Scotland and no self-respecting Scot would steal a coat of a fellow golfer, you obviously figured out by now I golfed in Michigan using a simulator to pretend I was playing a real course.

There are four simulation booths at this particular establishment. I was in booth #2, and my coat was resting on a chair directly in front of my booth. Ideally, there would’ve been a coat-check area, but this was no country club, so I did the best I could.

After finishing my round, I gathered my belongings and went to the chair on which my coat was resting. It was no longer there. I looked around briefly and noticed a coat that resembled mine on a chair in front of booth #3. Being the only outdoor attire I could see, I assumed it was mine. That is, until I got within three feet of it.

Someone stole my coat.

These were similar garments. Different brands, but close in color and style. Therefore, I can accept the fact the thief mistakenly thought mine was his for a brief moment. Except:

1. Why did he not notice when he picked it up?
2. Why did he not notice when he put it on?
3. Why did he not notice it didn’t reek of whatever it is his coat smells like?
4. Why did he take a coat from a chair he wasn’t using, leaving his own coat on a chair he was using?

This thief is either a completely inept individual or some kind of criminal genius. What if he saw my similar yet slightly superior coat and thought, “This is my chance. That thing is close enough in color and style to mine that I’m going to take it. But I’m going to leave mine here, making everyone think it was an honest mistake. That way, I avoid jail and get this sweet new coat belonging to that guy shooting birdies at the Home of Golf.”

Plausible, sure. But if that was really his ingenious plan, why didn’t he make the switch and put his coat on my chair? If he is a criminal mastermind, he has a fatal flaw that will cost him in the end.

So, Coat Thief/Honest Mistake Maker, which is it? Are you a little inept or a lot inept? I left your coat where I found it, choosing not to hold it for ransom because I am not a thief. Take my coat back to the place (with all 97 cents that were in one of the interior pockets), leave me an apology note and take your coat home. I will forgive you immediately, but I will never understand you.