Mailing Lists

Following up on my rant on direct mail from a mere three years ago, let me give you a little more insight into mailing lists: they’re often misguided.

Misguided (adj): Completely incompetent.

This comes as no surprise to you. You get all that useless crap in the mail. Why are you on those lists? As an advertiser, I can speak as an authority on the subject and tell you I have no idea why you’re on those lists.

Well, I have some idea, but that’s another rant, probably three years from now, that contains real information about the industry. This is just me enjoying the absurdity of it all.

My middle initial is not A, unless you’re affiliated with old people. I receive mailings for various retirement communities under the name Jef A. Goodger. I recently got something from the United States Government asking me to update my records so I can continue receiving Medicare.

For the record, “continue” is a hilarious verb in this case because I do not nor have I ever received Medicare under any name.

I have never signed up for anything as Jef A. Goodger. I have a specific alias set aside for the purposes of signing up for things, and it is not Jef A. Goodger. If I were going to go so far as to use my real first and last names, why waste the time with the fake middle initial? So my initials can spell a word? Not worth it.

Why am I invited to senior luncheons where I can learn about the benefits of a reverse mortgage? Why is the government concerned with my Medicare? Apparently I’m 65 years old.

How many other (First Name) A. (Last Name)s are out there? What if this is a huge problem for Medicare? What if Medicare is wasting millions or billions of dollars on people who don’t even exist? And if they are, where are my checks? I haven’t received anything.

That issue needs to be explored, but not by me. If you explore it, please send me a copy of your study or book or results or W2.